Coaching Highlight: Handling Conflict

Part of me wants to ask if I did something to upset you and the other part of me wants to ask why you upset me.

Insight

Relational tension is inevitable in leadership. What matters is not avoiding it but addressing it well. Unspoken frustrations can fester into mistrust, while clumsy confrontation can escalate conflict. Courageous conversations happen when leaders lean in with both candor and humility. Asking questions with openness rather than accusation turns potential conflict into an opportunity for clarity, repair, and stronger relationships. Boards and executives that embrace this discipline create cultures where tension is not feared but transformed into learning.

Reflection

• When I feel tension with a peer, do I tend to withdraw, confront abruptly, or seek understanding?
• How safe is our boardroom for raising interpersonal issues that might otherwise go underground?
• What phrases or practices help me bring up a difficult topic without making the other person defensive?
• How might unresolved tension between directors or between the board and management spill into decision-making?
• What would change if our board treated conflict not as a threat but as a path to stronger trust?

Exercises

1. Conflict map: Ask directors to reflect privately on where they have felt unspoken tension in board interactions. Without naming individuals, discuss how such tensions typically show up and how they could be handled constructively.
2. Practice conversations: In pairs, role-play a scenario where one director needs to raise a difficult issue with another. Practice using questions that invite dialogue rather than blame.
3. Language bank: As a group, create a list of opening phrases for courageous conversations, such as “Help me understand . . .” or “I may have misunderstood; can we revisit this?” Use them in future discussions.
4. Debrief circle: After a heated discussion, set aside a few minutes for directors to share how the tone felt and what could make the next conversation healthier. This normalizes reflection on relational dynamics.